One on One with Sarah Markley Pt. 1

It is that time again where we introduce to you someone really spacial to us. Why I say special,you asking.. simply because she inspires us. First let me say that her story is so real and close to any couple out there. I really encourage you to go to her site and read and learn from her.  Sarah Markley

Can affair take place in Christian marriage. I guess it does, we know it does.
Better yet, go read their story.. what an amazing work of God. Their also a video their for the couple.
Now lets dive in the interview, but before that, I have to thank the couple so much for honoring us with such interview.

***How would you introduce yourselves to others and to yourselves?
Sarah lives in Southern California with her husband, two daughters, Hope (10) and Naomi (6) and their family cat, Rosie. She grew up as the daughter of a youth minister, went to Christian schools and got her degrees from Biola University in English and Education. She married Chad when she was just 21. 
It’s been over eight years since her marriage fell apart. In January of 2004 she confessed to a three year long extramarital affair. Chad and Sarah allowed God to completely renovated their lives, their hearts and their relationship.

After a year of counseling, healing and restoration, Sarah and her husband now lead a fully redeemed life with a brand new marriage. Grateful for her new life, her two bright little girls, a husband who loves her, and new stewardship in ministry, Sarah lives a restored life in Christ. She and her husband Chad have been married for 16 years.

Sarah jogs most mornings. She steps on tiny legos in the dark. She sometimes lets the dinner dishes sit in the sink overnight (Shhh). And one of her favorite things to do is make banana nut waffles for her girls and husband on Saturdays.

Sarah blogs daily about her children, her faith and the idea that every day is God’s best day for her at www.sarahmarkley.com

***Sarah, If you can summaries your lives in one word, what would it be and why? Grace.

***Why did you start blogging and how you find time for it?
I began blogging over five years ago as a writing discipline and a medium for personal creativity. I write my blog 5 times a week usually and I take the weekend off. I need that time to regroup and rest from it.

***Are you goal oriented or detail oriented?
Both, I think. I don’t’ think I can put myself in only one of those categories.

Now, lets dig a little more deeper and know Sarah on a personal level.
***Why did you start blogging and how you find time for it?
I began blogging over three years ago as a writing discipline and a medium for personal creativity. I write my blog 5 times a week usually and I take the weekend off. I need that time to regroup and rest from it.
 
***Are you goal oriented or detail oriented? Both, I think. I don’t’ think I can put myself in only one of those categories.

***What inspires you, and how you come up with ideas for your blog?
I regularly look for deeper meaning in simple things. Life is full of the spiritual and it’s all there if you look for it. I’ve tried to practice this and when God shows me something, I write about it. Inspiration comes from my kids, my family, my internal life, what I’m reading.
 
***Reading your Story Sarah, it makes me wonder!! Many say, you can't clap with one hand. Does marriage need both party to succeed? Or one person can make it?
I’ve known couples that have "made it" even when one person isn’t as helpful or honest. But the couples that truly are influential and are making a difference in their communities and families are of like mind with one another. They are loving Christ and each other and they are doing it together. The best and most healthy marriages are ones when both people do EVERYTHING it takes to make it work.

***The other man, was everything that your husband wasn't,,, good, yet very bad to look at it this way.. explain?
I just meant that in personality and in everything else he was very different from my husband. And the fact that my husband and I were in such a bad place in our marriage that the differences in that other man was attractive to me at the time.

***On the other hand, how your husband found the grace to forgive you? I think that’s a question for him. To hear his answer. Check the video we did together. I think he speaks to that.

Did you have enough of the intview, I doubt that very much.. come back to the second part. Mean while enjoy dicouving those couple and their marrige. here is the link to their Marriage Story

Commitment

Via Focus on the family


"If you really love someone, you shouldn't have to work at it."

That's what High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens told CosmoGIRL! for its August 2008 issue. This young celebrity was speaking out loud what millions of people privately think: Loving feelings should come naturally in a relationship, so if you have to work at it, something's wrong. But the truth is exactly the opposite: If you truly love someone, you will work hard for the relationship.
Rock or Sand

Jesus spoke of a house that was built on sand and shaken by storms, while another house was built on rock and remained unmoved. One of my greatest surprises as a relationship analyst is just how many of us build our marriages on the sand of feelings instead of the rock of commitment. But I've been encouraged to see that truly committed couples are able, with God's help, to thrive even through the inevitable storms.

Over a five-year period, a close friend sent me e-mails sharing about her struggles with her marriage. She went from daily messages that read, "I can't take this anymore!" to e-mails saying, "He is such a gift to me." What accounted for the change? Her determination.

As she now says, "A successful marriage has little to do with circumstances and a lot to do with determination — taking the word divorce out of your vocabulary and replacing it with commitment."
What is Commitment?

Commitment is a decision to have the abundant marriage God desires, regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing his or her part. This includes:

* Realizing that marriage is an unbreakable covenant before God. At weddings, Atlanta minister Barry Grecu explains that ancient Hebrew culture understood a covenant not as a contract, which could be broken, but as a binding, permanent agreement — just like the covenant God makes with us.
* Choosing to "do it until you feel it." We often let our feelings guide our actions, but we are actually built for the opposite. Our Creator has designed us so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follow.
* Focusing on the good in our spouse and the sin in ourselves — instead of the other way around. If you're dissatisfied with your marriage, try this challenge: For the next 30 days, don't say anything negative about your spouse — neither to him or her nor to someone else. Every day, find something you appreciate about your spouse, and verbalize it. This marital application of Philippians 4:8 (which instructs us to focus on whatever is praiseworthy) has the power to transform a marriage. When we examine and work to change ourselves, we often bring out the best in our spouse as well.
* Engaging in Christian community, prayer and discipleship — especially when you don't want to. These three aspects of the Christian life help sustain every believer, but they are particularly essential for those going through a difficult season.
* Relying on God to help you act selflessly toward your spouse. As Grecu puts it, "We are incapable of living out our covenant promises in our own human strength. Jesus says, 'Apart from Me you can do nothing' and calls us to engage with the Spirit of God being lived out through us."

Is Commitment Possible?

The often-cited statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce — even among churchgoers — can make commitment seem fruitless. But that statistic is misleading. Dozens of studies distinguish between couples who claim a nominal faith and those who prioritize church attendance. Couples who have a strong commitment to faith and attend church regularly are far more likely to have lifelong relationships.

One recent study in particular shows that those who go to church and pray together have a much lower divorce rate. The University of Virginia's Brad Wilcox found that regular church attendance cuts the likelihood of divorce by 30 percent to 35 percent. Wilcox's work is supported by another study by Annette Mahoney of Bowling Green State University, which independently came to a similar conclusion.

While that rate is still unfortunately high, when you add prayer into the mix, thoughts of divorce plummet. A 1998 survey by the Georgia Family Council found that among couples who prayed together weekly, only 7 percent had seriously considered divorce, compared to 65 percent of those who never prayed together.

The abundant marriage that God has designed for us is not only possible but also likely, and the journey there starts with one word — commitment.
This article first appeared in the January, 2009 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2009 Shaunti Feldhahn. All rights reserved.

Couples: Break Free of False Self.

Last weekend the youth in our church got together with another 100 more from around the USA. We came together to talk seriously about how to break free. The topic was amazing, it was about breaking free from our false self in order to claim our true self which God planed for us.

He went on defining the two, false self is what the society, environment, family tend to make of us or mold us to be, and true self is what God ultimately planned for us want to mold us to be.

Dr. Awasm talked about a great thing that we should all do as couples. When conflict happens between any couple, there is a need for attention. We need to pay attention in order to find out what is the need of our spouse. When someone seems angry our mad of the other there is two responsibilities we need to take care of:

First:the person who did wrong needs not to be so taken by how much the other person is angry or mad, as much as paying attention to respond to the need of restoring the hurt feelings.

Second: The person who is hurt, needs to pay attention to the person who hurt him/her to find out why he or she did that? Was there any reasons for what he or she did?

He encouraged us to always have those secret conversions with our selves to examine ourselves before we run to claim we are right and the others are wrong.

It is definitely a call of being selfless. A call to two people to become more like one. A marriage that seeks the happiness of the other before self and gives the benefit of the doubt to others before making a judgement.

My lesson is not to rush quickly and claim that I am hurt from something, and listen and question my self and circumstance first.

Couples: Swim Against the Current

Let me start by asking you, do you have the power in your hand? Or you allow the negative trend take control of your life?
Do you have the energy and courage to stand strong and turn the wheel back in the right way?

See, sometimes we face one wrong thing after the other in our marriage and relationships. It may feel like a negative charge that pulling you in it. It feels like a spinning water that is sucking all of the goodness out of your Love life or friendship. The tricky part is sometimes we tend to ignore the first attack and the second. And by the time we realize it, it kinda late to do any thing. But the worse part that we tend to negatively contribute to the problem.

It may feels so overwhelming that you just want to close all your senses to avoid the pain and the headache the accompany it. Truth to be said, that your joy with the your relationships will slowly dissipate.
The easy way is to react every anger with anger, every misspoken word with another. It is easy to defend ourselves against attacks. But that is exactly what is "spinning water" does. It gains energy from within. It drawn you and your relationship below surface. Don't allow yourselves to be part a spinning water and drawn yourselves.

But let me tell you, it is too never late. It is better to try to stop the negative spin from taking control of your relationship, than you start watching it sucking you and your marriage. Stretch your arms to God who gave you the courage to stop this negative attacks and attack it back with every Good and Love that Holy Spirit puts in us.

God did not give us the spirit of failure. Do not be like a dead fish that swims with the current, but be a healthy in charge and swim against the current and make your victory known in Christ.
Remember God promise to us "For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

Let me encourage you and say that "No Fear of Failure is the ability to take a risk and keep the focus and attention on our call and obedience, you can do every thing through him". So don't spin with the current, spin out of it. God has give us the power to turn our life the other way and make it the way he intend to be. Joyful, and content. Take today a positive step and turn back the other cheek and love one another as the Lord command us. Do it first and don't ask something in return.

Couples: A fight that must be won?

In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves…self-discipline with all of them came first.

We always concern about who won over who. We want others including our spouses to change, but we hardly get concerned when it comes to a flight with ourselves in order to change our bad habits.

How many times did you wrestle with yourselves in order to change one bad habit?

Are you blaming the lack of motivation, because you do have it?! You want to be happier in your relationship with your spouse, Don't you?

Did you consider changing a habit as an expression of love to your spouse?

Are you complaining about how hard it is? Well, it should be hard. Good things aren't easy.

Or are you just saying, my spouse should accept me as I am. Well if you think so, then you need to reconsider your understanding of marriage. Marriage isn't about you, Marriage is about the other person.

We all think that we will live happy life, expecting that our spouse won't find any thing wrong with us. But we fail to think, is my spouse happy with me. Or we just concern with our own happiness. Remember some thing very important happened that you got married, is the day you died in order to let the marriage grow.

Now, lets take few serious steps to consider our spouse happiness:

1. Write a list of things, you know that need to get ride of.


2. Plan on working on getting ride of one habit at a time.


3. Inform your spouse about your plan, and ask for his or her encouragements
   If you fail a few times, quickly express sorrow and start all over.

With this process, you will have a plan to work with, and at the same time you will have your spouse in mind, understanding and appreciation. Remember, if you want to win a fight, there is more important fight to win more than the one against ourselves.

Couples: Forgive me I don't mean it...

"A man may fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else." (unknow)

The Blame Game in. action

" Forgive me, it was n0t on purpose." Have you heard these words too many times from your spouse? Did you get frustrated with him or her when you hear it?

Is is easy for you to just say, Sorry, I don't mean it in order to get out of the situation? Do you use this as an excuse for your continues mistakes? Or you just got used saying it.

I encourage you to take a stand with your self and take a serious steps to fix what could be a continuing damage to your relationship with your spouse. It is easy to blame any thing but yourself, Only the brave ones who can hold themselves accountable. Be responsible and take action, a positive action to not only keep the relationship going, but instead play an effective role in growing it.

Psalm 66:18 says "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened"

Do you realize that sinning against your spouse is a sin against your God. This should put on us the responsibility to treat it with seriousness.

Repenting to God is letting Go of our old ways,,, as much he forgive us when we fall back he says in Psalms that is we continue in our sin, he would not listen to us.

As for the stronger spouse, be patient with your weak spouse. Remember to Think Potential and have encouraging love...

Lastly let me say that, we should not abuse our spouse's love and forgiveness. We should love them back by trying harder things to avoid those blameless mistakes with a serious and effectiveness. As Paul question the Romans in Rom 6:15 "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?

Pray for the changes that need to take place. Try to take serious steps to improve the relationship and mostly, be sorry when you wrong, and stop the blaming game.

Couples: 101 Conflict Resolution

Have you got in an argument lately with your spouse? How it went? Did you land safely from the high tension or end up hurting each other even more?

Reading Conflict Resolution yesterday,  I thought I share it with you. I also added my own thoughts to some of it.

Seven ideas for handling conflict in a constructive way:

1. Confront the person or issue directly and honestly.
Matthew 18:15-17. 15"If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'[b] 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

2. Don't go looking for trouble.
Proverbs 3:30 Do not accuse a man for no reason— when he has done you no harm.

3. Agree with the person if at all possible.Matthew 5:25 "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison.

4. Mediate the issue.Have an open discussion about the matter with fairness? When solution is reached, spend time to see what lesson could be learned.

5. Take the issue to the Lord and leave it there. Ask God to intervene.1 Samuel 2:25 If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him.

6. Listen with your eyes, not paying attention to your spouse when he or she is hurt is devastating.

7. Be each other helper during conflict, help one another to overcome the pain by being extra gentle and loving.James 3:17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

Couples: What is your time of death?

Did I get your attention yet? See my death time is June 7th 2008 4:25 pm. Since then and my death is a process that just started but yet to continue.

In the the Firproof movie, Caleb didn't know that he is wrong. he was looking only to her mistakes.
the love dare is teaching us to lose ourselves in order to win what is important.
Jesus did the same, he sacrificed himself to win us. We are important to him.

In my post Do hard thing... understand it is worth it to let go of those hard things in order to win what is more important than those hard things.
The movie of Fireproof says, "you don't value something until you invest in it."

Caleb confessed that he loved other things, where he should been loving his wife.
Now let me ask you, do you love yourself more than your partner? And more than your marriage?
if you want tomato, you need to plant tomato seeds, so you need to break yourself to win it.
We learn from our society, to win, how about saying sorry. isn't sorry is a form of dying, self dying.
some time we fight trying to prove that the other person is wrong, instead of trying to resolve the matter.
Did you check your motives during or before your last fight with your partner. What was the purpose of your fight? Was it simply trying to prove him or her wrong.

See God's well for us is to die and seek his well. God well for us is to not ask what it is for ourselves.
When we get married, we tend to think that our partner is there to make us happy and that is marriage. But, how many times, we forget that we are their to make our partners happy as well.

See, if you died lately, it would be easy for you to make that special person in your life happy.
Remember, he or she isn't spacial because of who he or she is, it is because of what you think of him or her. Realize that your marriage is selfless covenant and is the date to celebrate the death of you and your partner in order to make ONE out of the TWO of you. Have a Humble Pie today.

Couples: Questing Oneness in Marriage?

Oneness, I didn't think of this term before.  I didn't think of it so much during dating. But, soon after few month I got to examine myself my life think of this term much more.


So, I went and I looked up the Internet to find a definition of the word Oneness and here what I came up with Henosis (Greek ἕνωσις - unity without parts.) Amazing words when I think of it.
Mike Mason writes " Oneness is the freedom to speak one's mind to the other about absolutely anything. Oneness is being as comfortable with silence as with speech. Oneness is perfect trust. It's acting the same way apart from one's spouse as with him or her. It's anticipating the other's needs, and feeling the other's hurts as one's own. Oneness is habitually setting aside all differences for the simple joy of living in peace."

It took me all by surprise, I NO LONGER should ignore this term.  It is like once I become one with my wife, I NO LONGER can or able to seek my own way, because I am united in one with her.

Each couple needs to strive to that one goal of Oneness. It isn't by any mean removing any of one characters, on the other hand it is more like polishing it or completing it with my spouse characters. Think of it as a great piece of art that is missing part of it and in order to be complete, we need to add something to it.
It isn't easy and SHOULD NOT considered easy. In order to fit one part in a another, we need to do some work, like making room for that part.

Many times we try to establish oneness on our own,, and I am not saying that is wrong, but what I want to say is that oneness will become stronger and maybe easier as we come closer to God, He is the one who started our relationship in marriage and without him, we can't make it happen.

At friest I thought Oneness is for each spouse to think the same, like the same things and be able to read each other minds. To be honest. However the real meaning of oneness is to be able to complete one another. It is when I am weak, she is strong. It is when I am upset, she is gentle. It is when she is worry, I am her comfort. When she is afraid, I am here protection. See the true Oneness is in our differences not in our similarity's. Read my post about: Balancing Couples.(2 Corinthians 12:9). for God's "power is made perfect in weakness". Marriage makes couple stronger by making them more vulnerable to one another. As need arises, the fulfilment is provided in your spouse.
read my post on Polite Relationship Questioned.

Understand the Oneness isn't based on a feeling.  Matt. 19:6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” We need to become one, that is God's command to us. But, we got to work on it every day and all time. Read my post Falling in Love vs Making Love.
We need to learn that in order to work on our oneness, I need to invest time praying together and also pray alone for your spouse. Read Couple: Pray for your Partner
There is no way for you to become one without talking to one another. Read Share Three Things Daily.  Know it is hard to let go of ourselves and think only of our spouse but always Think Potential of your partner. Know Oneness is like a tree, the more you take good care of it, the more it gets bigger and cover you with its shads.
Never give up on trying the hard things, Oneness isn't' easy. However, it is differently worth trying. So learn that Hard Things are worth trying and most appreciated.
 Remember to make your spouse a priority in your life and you will be in your way to Oneness.

Couples: Wife Submission is questioned?

“23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:23-25 (TNIV)

Have you had a problem with that verse before? Hmm be honest. Isn’t hard to submit some times to God nerveless to another human being?
I am sure so many of you out there are woman who strong in mind and personality and won’t like to hear that word to submit.

So, lets think about how we should submit to God first. When God promises his protection and love to us, he makes a covenant with us to deliver his promises.
Now question yourselves, how you get to enjoy his love and protection. The answer is within submiting. As we choose to go under the Lord authority, we choose to enjoy his blessing and the deliverance of his promises to us.

Remember God always give us the power to choose him or others. But as we submit/choose him, we trust him to do the right thing and expect that even though his decisions maybe different from ours, that he wants and does what is best for us.
The amazing thing about that is that when we submit to God, we do it with all love and willing heart. As a result even when he decides differently for us, we take it with an open heart and less doubtfully.

Now, let’s turn back to our partners and our husbands to be exact. I am not going to tell you that God commended you to submit to him. But I am asking you? Do you trust your husband? Do you believe that he will do what ever is in his power to protect you and provide for you? Does he tries to learn to be more like Jesus and set a good example for your and for your family?

Before you answer all the questions, let me ask you another question. Do you expect that your husband some times makes the wrong decision?

Let me explain, sometime we hold our husbands to such high standard like Jesus and expect them to be like that since you as a wives submit to them, which is totally wrong.
But our trust in them should not fail, nor our love. Your respect to him should not shake. Instead we should embrace them with patience and mercy as they try harder next time.

Here is my two sense, wives need to love their husband and trust them and understand that they entered with their husbands under a covenant which allow you to enjoy his love and protection as you embrace submission to him. You need to express your trust in him by submitting to him with love just as we do with God.

Stuart Greaves said, “submission is just letting your husband love you.”. As we enter and accept God authority over us, we allowing God to love us and embraces us with his blessing.

If you change your attitude toward this verse and think of it that way, your perspective of marriage will be totally different. I want you to think about how powerful you are, making that choice of allowing your husband to love you as you submit to him.

Remember that the covenant you entered with your husband isn’t conditional contract. His love is extended no matter you choose to submit to him or not. But think of the advantage that you and your family will enjoy as you allow him to love you.

Husbands and Wives, remember that you both are there to wash each other feet.

I really encourge you to read Humble Submission by Paul J. Bucknell

I would also like to hear your comments.

Couples: Polite Relationships is questioned??

How many of us tries to be so polite in a relationship? We try not to express too much of our anger and too much of our so not cool emotions to our partners.

Reading these words from a blog I came across made me wonder:

"And while I was angry with my partner, disappointed and appalled that the curtain of good fortune was being torn down in front of my eyes…our relationship grew. I found that I needed to complain to him, cry to him, shake my fist at him.

I realized for the first time that I had an actual relationship with God. I realized that my frustration and tears meant that I really did believe He was there. That He was not a distant clockmaker or the leader of an exclusive club. I realized he was my Father, the only one I could turn to. Simplistic as that may sound, it was a revelation for me."

Here is my two sense. It's easy to have faith when things are going well. Or at least holding status qua. But when we face the dark side of life, when we have to turn and stand nose to nose with the unpleasant, frightening, heart-breaking face of suffering and death, things lose their clarity and our believe in love shakes.

See, many of us learn not to question God and not even doubt him, but I know it is my right to question God, so when it comes to relationships, we sometimes don't dare to enter into conflict with our partner, We be afraid to spoil our love.

Today, I want you to change your way of thinking and think how a conflict can be the tool to draw us closer and closer as couples.

Conflict is the tool to vent out our emotions and disappointment. It is the emotions that we express our frustration.

Here is the key how you use conflict to your benefit.

Listen carefully to your partner during conflict, Listen and find how he or she feels. Then, take that to heart and start responding in a very kind, gentle ways.

I want you all not to avoid conflict, but to see it as an opportunity to find out what makes your partner upset and sad, and as a result take notes and start a new journey of expressing love.

I encourage you to stop with these polite relationships and have an constructive conversions about what really need to be worked on.

Don't forget: Get Angry but don't sin.

Couples: Ten business strategies to organize your family

Reading the Cnn/Living section today, I came across a great article that I had to share with every one. I really like number 1,3,8 and 10. It is really important to learn from other and look on others mistakes as reason to learn.
Patrick Lencioni writes:
About 11 years ago, two big things happened in my life: My wife and I started a family, and I launched a consulting firm. For years I was much more successful at running my company than managing our family -- probably because I was taking specific steps to improve my business, then going home and winging it.
Well, a few years ago, it occurred to me that this made no sense, and that my family was in fact an organization, too -- the most important one in my life.
That realization was probably provoked by an innocuous (or so I thought) comment to my wife: "You know, honey, if my clients ran their companies the way we run this family, they'd go out of business."
I'll spare you the gory details of her response and just tell you that we eventually decided to figure out whether the tools and concepts I applied with my clients might help our home run more smoothly. I'm here to report that they absolutely did and might help you, too. (Don't worry: None involve persuading a 10-year-old to endure the agony of a performance review.) Real Simple: How to make good decisions
1. Identify your core values. Companies define their core values because they provide a great framework for making all kinds of decisions. To apply this idea to your family, think about what common traits each spouse admires in the other. One of the things I love about my wife is that she is unafraid to speak her mind or stand up for her beliefs.
We wanted to pass that trait on to our four sons, so we made it a core value. (Our others are creativity and passion.) Then, when one of the boys was sent to the principal's office for defending a classmate who was being bullied, we made it clear that he should be proud that he had stood up for a friend.

2. Establish a single top priority. If everything is important, nothing is. Too many companies fail because they spread their time and energies too thin. Answer this question: "In addition to our day-to-day responsibilities, if we accomplish one big thing as a family in the next few months, what should it be?" And then work on it. It could be anything from "Help Dad get healthy" to "Spend more time together as a family at home." Real Simple: 14 shortcuts for everyday tasks

3. Keep your values and top priority visible. You don't need an engraved plaque to remind you of what's important. But it's good to have a ready reference. My wife and I were out on a date around the time we were coming up with our family's list of values and top priority. She borrowed a waiter's pen and wrote them on the paper tablecloth. After dinner she neatly tore off that section and stuck it to our oven, where we could see it every day.

4. Don't make snap decisions. Companies (and families) tend to take on commitments out of peer pressure or guilt, before they understand what's involved. Often it's not a single big project, but the dinner date, bake sale, and sleepover that all add up to make a family frantic. Which leads us to number 5.

5. Understand your opportunity cost. In business, when taking one course of action prevents a company from accomplishing other tasks, we talk about opportunity cost. One of the best decisions we ever made was to let our sons opt out of Cub Scouts (the opportunity), which was eating up our weekends (the cost).
Why cut that and not, say, guitar lessons? We decided that Cub Scouts was a little too regimented and that music better suited our style. Knowing the decision reflected one of our values -- creativity -- removed any sense of guilt we might otherwise have had.

6. Assess which balls bounce and which ones break. Sometimes tasks that feel urgent can actually be ignored. (In other words, those balls will bounce.) As we were getting ready to have our fourth child, I was overcome by the urge to landscape the front yard and to start going to Pilates. Would the house be overtaken by a jungle?
No. Did I need to touch my toes again? Well, eventually that might be nice, but not right now. What I really had to do was prepare my home and family for something that mattered -- the arrival of Baby Number 4. The rest could wait. Real Simple: How to worry less

7. Don't confuse long-term strategies and short-term tactics. For parents, this can take the form of discussing what to have for dinner in the same breath as whether to change jobs. Or trying to make a decision about finances or discipline while brushing your teeth and getting the kids off to school. Vital issues can get short shrift or be entirely lost in the minutiae if you don't stop, filter them out, and return to them later.

8. Meet often to review your progress. Don't groan. This is not a bad episode of "The Brady Bunch." But families do need to meet once a week, for no more than 10 minutes, to review what's going on and what adjustments need to be made to their time and priorities. We've noticed that our twin boys get a sense of clarity and accomplishment from our Sunday-night discussions. They like talking about how we're doing as a family and seeing their role in it.

9. Get out of the "office" from time to time. Most executives I work with develop a condition I call adrenaline addiction: They're convinced that they can never slow down and think about the big picture because there is so much to do right now. Which inevitably ends in burnout.
Parents should also take time as a couple to review calmly the bigger picture of their family, even if it means just going for a drive with the radio off. A long date or a weekend away can pay huge personal dividends even if you have to shell out for a babysitter.

10. Welcome productive conflict. When executives can't argue, they can't make good decisions and commit to them. Families are the same. Remember -- many of the ideas I've described here were born out of a messy, tense discussion I had with my wife when I clumsily critiqued the way we were running our family. For the record, she's not mad at me anymore.

Couple: Pray for your Partner

Recently, I had this thought on my heart. How much time do I really allocate to pray for my wife? In my last post, I talked about how to take a deeper look inside of ourselves and find what is it that we need to change in us in order to become the person that pleases God and your partner.

Here, I have to confess that I failed to continue on with my prayers to my partner. Yes, we pray together every night, but the question here, how much you spend on your own putting your partner in front of God asking Him to bless, heal and give wisdom to your partner.

Remember, The prayer purpose isn't asking God to change your partner. It isn't for the purpose of complaining about your partner and every thing that he or she does wrong. Instead it is the time that you lift your partner to God's hand and ask Him to work on him or her without any bitterness and emotions of complaining.

For example, If it is your wife, pray that God uses her up to her capability to be the wife, and the mother that pleases God. If it is your husband, pray that God uses him to lead the family to the right path that God allows to you.
Here is a few things that we all need to remember as we pray for our families and partners.

• Know for fact that God loves them as it is and that you aren't praying for them to show you are better than them.
• Praying with faith, know that God is Good and capable.
• Pray with patience and persistence, make it also a priority.
• Pray with a humble, repentant heart, acknowledge your own faults as you pray.

The greatest encouragement I can offer you about praying for your family is to ask God to search your heart and show you anything that needs removing from your life. The release of God’s Spirit upon their lives begins in your heart and soul. Find a time and place to meet with God. Get to know Him as “our Father.” See how mighty He is in heaven.

Don't forget to pray that you be the positive influence person in your partner life and that God uses you to implement God's plan in your family and into your partner life.

Couple: One Wish

Over the weekend, I was asked a question by a friend of mine. The question was, if you had to make one wish, what it would be? To be honest, I surprised my self with the answer I gave. I answered my friend that I would like to wish to do the right thing only 90% of the time. My friend, responded as well with a surprised face and asked, only 90% of the times, why?
I said that many times we want to do the right thing and unfortunately we don't. So, when it comes to the times when we do wrong decision we/I can't figure away to fix it as a result of not knowing what to do at those situations.
In relationships, many times we hurt those people who are so close to us, and we end up watching them hurt and not take a step to correct the situation. So, my wish to every one in a relationship is to learn from that 10% that when we do wrong things to the people who love us is to figure out away to repair what was damaged.

In many situations we avoid wrong doing and hurting people. However, the important thing that you need to pay attention to is that every time you do wrong thing it is an opportunity for you and me to realize what hurt your partner and find solutions to that hurt.
Don't stand still watching on the sideline, but take steps toward a positive action. Don't hesitate, but be a risk taker in solving the problem. Don't wait to be told what to do, take the initiative to fix what is wrong. Be part of the healing process to your partner.

Remember that your partner is more important than the risk that you may take in order to resolve the matter. Remember it is an expression of love when you take the first steps toward uniting what is had been broken. However, you must be patient with your partner.

Couples: Think Potential

Potential is defined as Possible, as opposed to actual.

With this words, I came to conclusion that I am not prefect nor I should claim that I am. In relationships we expect our spouse to be prefect. Know what to say and when to say it and how to say it, all in prefect time. However, the last few weeks examining my self showed me how far I fall short of being the prefect husband.

Our expectations in relationships are mostly high, and that leads to major frustration toward our partner. So, here is my advice and confession to you and to my partner. Always tell me what I fall short of your expectations, but most importantly, expect me to get better and know that I am trying. Don't look only to my mistakes but look at my potential. Encourage and motivate your partner by looking ahead of the problem. Don't allow the exsitance of the problem henders you down from looking to the potential of growing free.

Think of it as a tree growing and you can't allow the slowness of growing of looking after and watering the tree. As you expect me to be prefect, expect me to want to grow prefect knowing that I am trying.

Couples: Trip to Cali

Jennie and Wess showed us a great time. They took us to many places. They really put an effort in showing us a good time. We went to Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Dana point. The wales parade. Thank You so much.
Shady and Mary joined us on Sat, along with Fady and Jess. What a great company.


Watch the pictures above or click Slide Show



Watch the pictures above or click Slide Show

Couples: Share Three Things

Lately been adopting a new way of communicating that we learned in a book that we have been reading. The book is about communication in marriage and one thing that the book encourages us to do is to get beyond the headline reporting way of talk with our spouse. Meaning, that we need to be more expressive with our conversations and saying meaningful things to each other not just the normal short sentence talk.

So, here it is what the book has been teaching us, every day take 30 min or so and tell your spouse three things about your day that moved your feelings and emotions. The point of it is to share the feelings with each other, which we may keep for ourselves. The purpose is to talk about thing we might don't want to talk about and also to force us to find things and way to have conversions. The need to share the emotions is the key point.

We have been trying to do it every day for the past two weeks and it has been going great. I think it helps us a lot, we get to know how we feel and shows what is important to each other. I believe that best benefit of this method is the way it makes us listen to each other and the feeling of importance that brings with it.

Couples, I encourage you to try to have those meaningful conversions and have more than the usual (ok, nice, thank you) communications.
I look forward to your comments.

Balancing Couples

I guess God has his own way of balancing every thing. After five weeks of good weather in Boston and temperature reaching almost 60 on Friday, Monday comes with almost a foot of snow.

In Job, God is credited with the power to send snow down from His heavenly storehouses to either protect and water the soil or to hinder the efforts of soldiers in battle (Job 37:6; 38:22-23). The psalmist enjoined the snow to join the rest of creation in praising the Lord by "fulfilling His word" (Ps 148:8)

In many areas, snowfall is an important source of moisture. Jeremiah writes that no farmer would trade a farm watered by the snow water of Lebanon for another field watered by a muddy or uncertain stream (Jer 18:14). God uses snow (which, having fallen to earth, never returns to the heavens, but instead waters the fields) as an example of the unfailing power of His word which, sent down to earth, accomplishes whatever He pleases (Is 55:10-11). The Jordan River, itself, was fed by the melting snows of Mt. Hermon. Snow also protects the roots of various plants from cold weather. Hannah Whithall Smith writes, "There is no frost hath power to blight the tree God shields; the roots are warm beneath soft snows, and when spring comes it surely knows, and every bud to blossom grows" (The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life by Hannah Whithall Smith p. 73).
I don't mind those white flicks, I actually enjoy them alot. These are something about them that bring smiles to my heart and ignite my thinking.
Your spouse may not be in love with snow, I won't blame her, not too many people are fond with is it as well. But I guess God has his way of balancing things even within couples who would love to see their partner just like them. But, God has his way of balancing that and putting differences in our relationships as couples. One snow storm  she may say the snow looks so pretty, it just like God is decorating the trees. I loved her comment and her new perspective on snow. That little comment made could make any spouse feel closer, or shows that despite our differences partners can sometime see an eye for an eye and admire God work in every thing even in snow.

Couples: Permission to Hope

Hudson Russell Davis writes:

Unless the cold of winter has moved beyond our bones and into our hearts, unless we have allowed the bumps and bruises of life to numb us--the New Year holds hope.

Despite all that has passed up till now, the New Year holds the promise of something better, the promise of a new tomorrow. It is true that winter has only just begun and that the spring of our youth is not ahead--but behind. There is hope, but it has been trampled and mishandled so that we dare not believe this year will be any different from last year. Last year's hopes lie crumpled by the curb. The voices whisper, "Perhaps it is better to give up hope than face yet another year of disappointment." Never!

In this time of longing, and waiting, this unique place of suffering our "perseverance" should produce "character" and character should produce hope, but it is not automatic (Rom. 5:4). Paul tells us "hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" (Rom. 5:5). This time of longing should be characterized by hope, but it is not always so.

As for me I cannot and will not, live without hope. I cannot and will not pretend that my refusal to ask and hope "in" the Lord is faith. I do not perceive it as faith but stoicism: a noble idea that to suffer and endure lack without word is more spiritual. It is the false idea that to ask of God is weakness. It is also the very human idea that to hope is to risk disappointment. To hope IS to risk disappointment. Hope anyway! Risk anyway!

Insecurity caused me to live by fear, and the fear would not allow me to risk. I had no boldness in relationships because I lived in fear and the fear of disappointment constricted hope. Then Love whispered, "No matter how far you fall I will catch you." Ah! That is what I longed to hear. For then no risk was fatal. In the midst of Love's fair garden hope sprung up. Its scent was sweet and its blossom beautiful, and I swooned at its touch. If you want permission to hope this year for a husband or wife--hope! Hope that the Lord of heaven will grace you this year with marriage and if He does not--trust His kindness to keep you.

I nurture hope because I am safe and secure in His hands. Once, when I was terrified of failure (now I am just afraid) I risked little and buried hope beneath pragmatic words such as "realistic." "Be realistic!" "Be real!" Which was my subtle way of saying, "Don't dream!" But tell me, who hopes for what is? Who dreams of the way things are! Why bother? What a miserable world to dream in to existence--the world that is. No one would dream if all things were as they should be. All is not as it should be. Hope is an honest confession that all is not well and that we are not home yet. Hope for a relationship is the confession that, "It is not good..." He is good! But all is not well with the world and we have a personal longing we wish fulfilled.

Some of us have at some point turned from hope to obsession, from hope to fixation, and passed on to stubbornness. This is not hope and has little relation to true hope. It is self-will at best and desperation at worst. If the person is not in the Lord, if you are ill matched, if you are in sin, get out! Leave off hope! Instead of hoping in this person, take a step back and--through purity and obedience--hope in God. There is a hope that is not hope but wishfulness, a hope called foolishness and delusion. I do not mean this form of self-deception falsely called hope.

But neither can I encourage hopelessness. Our life in Christ is a hope for what we do not yet have, a desire to be what we are not--holy. So we hope always to be more like Christ this coming year than we were last year. We long to be more like Him tomorrow than we are today. We hope to be closer to Him in an hour than we are in this minute. And we can hope to be married this year if we are not today. It is okay to nurture this hope within the safety of His grace.

Here is my caution. Here is how I see hope in service of the believer. It is a prepositional distinction--the distinction between in and for.

Our faith in every way bleeds hope. Hope is evidenced even in the darkness of the cross. But if we hope, we hope not just for a husband or wife. We hope in a God who loves us and desires to bless us. We hope in God for the gift of a husband or wife. We can therefore hope for a husband or wife but never place our hope in a husband or wife. This is true before we are married and true if we get married.

The truth is husbands or wives can disappoint. We make our requests with open hands and hope that we will have what we desire because "God is love" and "love never fails" (1Cor 13:8). What we dare not do is place our hope in a person or thing, husband or wife, for then we become as the foolish builder who built on sand. What will be our condition when the storms come--and the storms will come.

I meet person after person who have deep struggles in their walks with Christ due to failed human relationships. How can this be? It cannot be otherwise if hope is placed in the object, and that object becomes the source of hope itself. Then the failure of the relationship means that hope itself has failed us. It means that God has failed to obey our dreams, failed to conform to our hope--though misplaced.

But this is not hope, and it was never a good idea. No! Hope is placed in God for whatever He will bring to us. We confess this because we know He loves us. The object of our hope is merely a function of our desire. It is proper, but must keep its place. Nothing but God is our right. He is our inheritance. We hope for a relationship with the understanding that it is through His grace that we shall be blessed. I don't deserve a wife, but hope that grace will provide. We will speak another time of my part in the play. What I know is that short of grace no relationship is truly a blessing.

The benefit of hope is the benefit of faith. It is the peace of knowing that while we are not always the people we are called to be, He is always a faithful Father who will not give a snake when we ask for bread. The benefit is a tempered approach that avoids desperation and thus--poor choices. It is tragic when the "ideal of marriage" is shattered and the real "relationship," the real "person," becomes too real. Hope then, rests in our God for His gracious blessings--whatever they may be. For it is He who calls us to "ask" and we ask according to His will (Matthew 7:7).

Fire Proof, Never leave your partner behind

I took a quick drive to watch the new movie fireproof. The moves takes about how fire proof our relationships but it also talks about one important thing, that we may fireproof our marriage but that does not mean we won't face one. The key is to stay up with your partner to guard your marriage and face it together.