Couples: Trust & Risk!! Given or Earned??

Trust is something entrusted in all aspects of our lives; dating, friendships, family members, co-workers, and on and on. Trust is the ultimate foundation for any of these relationships to be successful, as well as meaningful. Some claim trust should be earned, and others feel trust should be given freely to others unless the trust is broken in some way.

I have to say that I agree with both concepts. just as a bird trusts its wings to carry it flying, (it is given). Yet once those wings are broken, it needs to be fixed, (earned and repaired).

How this REALLY works? How our relationships grow without having trust... How it is possible that you will grow to know someone without trusting them?

Risk,,, everyone whom want to grow in their relationship, you need to take the risk to trust your spouse...Just like we trust God, we risk having our prayers and requests not answered. But we trust always to have Him looking after us.

Do you trust your spouse, What is holding you back? I encourage you to talk more about it with your partner. Tell him, tell her, that you want your relationship to grow stronger, closer. Express your needs to feel secure. You and I need to take the risk, walk to your spouse and express your feelings to trust them in order to move to the higher level of your relationship.

But here are some signs of mistrust.... Are you ready?
Do you see a lot of I and You in your conversions? For example, "I bought this and that is how much I spent". "You need to realized how much I make". There aren't a lot of "WE" make so much, or we bought this or that.

Relationships are trees, and there is no tree can grow with cracks in its root. See Trust is the foundation of all relationships, including buying and selling, not to mention our marriage. Yes it is given, but we all raised in different homes and backgrounds, where trust may differ from one house to another. Yet marriage is about oneness and without oneness, there is no marriage, and here where trust play the big role of bringing two different people with one heart and one goal. Basically Trust builds your relationship.

So, it is given, yet once it is broken, it is hard to repair. Do NOT panic. First things first, Knowledge your mistakes and express your love.. Second, show regret and express love. Third, Show understanding (these things take time to heal) and also express love, Forth work toward regaining trust, and express love.

The important thing is to keep on expressing love to your spouse. Work toward regain his or her trust is the only way to make your marriage relationship grow. once a trust is broken, It won't be given to you. You need to gain it back...yet you need to do all this with love.

Life is about taking one chance after another, just like taking one step after another into the unknown. We learn from mistakes we have made in the past and, therefore, learn from them to prevent ourselves from hurting our spouse in the future. So take the four steps I mentioned and don't try to expect too much right away. You would cause more harm, than good by expecting fast healing from your spouse, NEVER express frustration with him or her for not healing fast enough.

Remember though keep watering your trust tree and fix those cracks because without the foundation of trust in a marriage, there won't be marriage. So take the risk or building your relationship every day by allowing your spouse to trust you and feel trust worthy.

Boys trips to Montreal.

Couples: Repent, Simply Repent!!

Simply repent of not noticing the small things that your spouse does for you and not appreciating them for it.

Simply repent of holding your spouse to a higher standard for men and women you see in movies.

Simply repent for every time you didn't communicated your feeling to your spouse and enabled your relationship to reach a deeper meaning.

Simply repent of holding on forgiving your spouse and love him/her.
Know that love heals much more than any thing else.

Simply repent for not praying for your spouse every single day to allow the Lord to guide and protect them. A woman told me once "In my wedding vows, I committed to pray daily for my husband, and the most effective way he communicates love to me is when he prays for me

Simply repent of thinking only of the negative things about your spouse. Even when it is hard, renew your mind with positive thoughts about him or her.
Many people believe that love start in the heart, but the truth is the Love LIVED in mind.

The bible tells us that we should be "transformed by the renewing of the mind that we may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2)

Wow, renewing our mind is doing God's will, and it is prefect... that is an eye opener...

Simply repent of not meeting your spouse needs and waiting for him or her to meet your needs first. Be willing to to give first.

Simply repent of living a phony way of love and not following what real love is. Love is patient, not self seeking, forgiving. etc

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, ...1 Corinthians 13

Simply repent of comparing your spouse to your friend spouses and wanting them to become the same.

Simply repent for not encouraging your spouse every day and pushing them to look forward every day to look after their family. If you can't find reason to encourge them, make up reasons.

Simply repent for being passive when you action was needed to restore the relationship with you spouse but your pride took control of you.

Simply repent for the things you may have said in anger even before your spouse point them out.

Repentance is a change of direction. Are you willing to turn around and become positive force in your marriage?

Romans 2:5 But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God

Give your spouse all your best with a happy heart. Don't be cheap with him or her. Allow your relationship to grow, don't be a dead branch in the Lord's body. Do his will.

1 on 1 with Teri, Part two

In this part of the interview, let even get closer to Tari and find more about her marriage relationship and life.

But first let me ask her about her daughter.

So interesting that your daughter has a blog at her young years? please comment and tell us how this came about?

We live pretty far away from all our family so they don’t get to see all of her drawings and papers from school. So a blog for her seemed a great way to encourage her to write and to share with our families what she’s doing. She loves reading the comments and that spurs her to write more.

What do you think of marriage? and how you describe yours? I love being married! I describe mine as “happily ever after … mostly.” Being married is the hardest thing in life … but also the most wonderful. I married my very best friend and we get to do ministry together (he even gets paid for it! LOL) ... it just doesn’t get better than that!

If there is any advice you would like to give to newlywed, what it would be?

1. Fight fair. 2. Always kiss good-bye. 3. Give, even when you don’t want to.

I always say that a marriage with difficulties is a living marriage? What are your thoughts?How you deal with conflict? Totally agree with that statement … when I hear people say they never fight or disagree in their marriage, I figure they must not talk much. J Scott and I have learned to deal with conflict better the longer we are married … mainly, I think it’s just important to remember that sometimes your opinion doesn’t matter and that you don’t HAVE to have the last word. Sometimes it’s better to leave something unsaid than to live with the regret of saying it aloud.

In your years of marriage, what did you find about the wife’s role in the man’s life? How she can influence?Wow … I think the greatest gifts I give to my husband are my undying respect and unwavering prayers. Because I deeply respect him, I think it’s easier for him to share the difficulties he faces with me and to allow me to be his biggest encourager. And I have learned that often my prayers are the tool God uses to influence my husband … back to that whole thing of not HAVING to say everything. I’ve learned that sometimes I just have to pray and leave it with the Lord!

What is the current book you are reading? Calvin Miller’s autobiography “Life is Mostly Edges” and several books on the spiritual disciplines.

Tell us about your ebook? What is your goal for it?
It’s just a little book of encouragement. I wanted to have something to give to the people who joined me in celebrating my 100th post on “Pleasing to You” … but I wanted it to be in keeping with my desire to be an encourager and to help people learn to see life through a lens of gratitude and passion. My goal? Hmmm … to finish it! LOL Really, I just hope it is an encouragement and that people will want to share it with others because it was a blessing to them.

Being a pastor wife? Good or bad? hard or easy? Good … hard … worth every bit of it!

Teri, Thank you so much for giving us the honor to have you here, and allowing us to get to know, and learn from you. God bless you.

1 on 1 with Teri. Part One

Let me first start off this post by stating what a pleasure and honor it is to have Teri the author of great blog titled "Pleasing to you". I first came across her blog by a chance. I have to say that my first impressions of her blog was like talking to someone from my family members, very comfortable and easy going. Definitely very encouraging.

In Part one, we are going to get closer to Teri and try to find more about her ministry, family, and her life.
In the second part, we will talk about relationship and marriage and listen to her advice.

How would you introduce yourself to others?
I’m just a girl who loves Jesus and is doing my best to know Him and be conformed to Him more every day. I wear a lot of hats – wife, mom, community volunteer, blogger, pastor’s wife, but mostly I’m just a daughter of the King.

If you could summarize your live in one word, what would it be and why? HUGE! My life is so much bigger than I ever dreamed it would be. I cannot imagine sometimes that God has given me so many blessings and passions … and amazing opportunities to serve Him.

Why did you start blogging and how you find time for it?
I started blogging a couple of years ago … I’ve been through four different blogs but finally feel I have “found my voice.” I love to teach the Word and to write and blogging gave me opportunity to share what God is showing me with my friends and family. As for the time it takes, I have this amazing husband who believes this is my ministry and supports my dream to write and teach. That makes it much easier to give blogging a priority in my life. Generally, though, I write a full week’s worth of posts at a time usually on Thursday nights.

Why do you call your blog "Pleasing to You"?My life verse and heart’s cry is Psalm 19:14 ~ “May the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be PLEASING TO YOU, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” My goal and desire is to encourage others who long to live a life that is pleasing to God.

What inspires you, and how you come up with ideas for your blog?I’m a reader … I read three or four books at a time. Often my ideas come from that. But I also find myself constantly looking at how God is working in the daily tasks of my life. That’s what sparked my “Finding Jesus in My Messy House” devotions. I realized that just like there’s always a pile of laundry to do, there is also always a need for me to keep check on my speech

What do these words mean to you?
God ~ Faithful to me regardless of my faithfulness to Him.
Suffering ~ Necessary to become like Christ … “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance” James 1:2 - 3
Little things ~ I think the little things make the big things more meaningful.
Wisdom ~ Comes only from the Lord!!
Mistakes ~ Grace!
Doubt ~ I’ve struggled with doubt at various times in my Christian walk and found that God has always been willing to guide me and reveal Himself to me when I earnestly seek Him.
Husband ~ Best friend!

I read that you have passion of knowledge, how you go about it?
I guess that goes back to the reading thing … I find myself drawn to the kind of books that I have to read a paragraph three or four times in order to let it soak in. I love studying the Word of God and reading biographies of those whose lives reflect a great faith. I was a debater in high school and college and that deep love of knowledge and study has never faded!

Teri, thank you for willing to be a guest on my blog and encourage me and my readers. I really enjoyed chatting with you. It is so pleasent to heart to hear from you.

Couples: Do not what is your duty!

Jesus called us to do what is his love but what is not our duty...

Did you ever wonder why Jesus didn't say 'Love Your Neighbour'? But he said, "Love your enemies"

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" - Jesus of Nazareth, as recorded in Matthew 5:44 (NIV translation)

I tell you why, because it is so easy to love the ones who love us and care for us.

Our society tough us never turn the other cheek, never ignore the pain or hurt of other, neither taught us to love who hurt us.

This past Sunday, during the Sunday school class I teach, Caren (Sunday school teacher) spoke about how we are called to do not due what is our duty. If someone ask you to walk a mile, walk two. If some one asks for your cloth, give them every thing. If someone hurt us, we are called to love them, not to hurt them back....

Those words touched my heart,,, what about our spouses, don't we suppose to love them, care for them, protect them... How come we end up doing what is our duty and not listen to what God told us.

Many times we get caught in the moment and never think of the painful moment as an opportunity to express love and show love. Jesus did that. He thought of that, he asked us to do so. Express love when least expected, so that we be following his foot steps.

Right after I finished Sunday school, I went to listen our our Pastor sermon. He also was talking about love.

Here what he was talking about
"Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1)

Many times we do things to our spouses out of duty and not our of caring and love. We marry them, we cook for them, we clean for them, we drive them, we provide for them. But all our of duty, not our of love. The verse we just read is so powerful. It talks about how all our work is done in vein if we don't do it out of love.

Many of us do all that work and wait for appreciation, or wait to be served back. Many feel so over whelmed. All because we do things out of duty and not our love.

When conflict come, we tend to stand up right and hold the other person wrong and never show love. Many times our standard is much more important than love. We forget that Loving them is more important. We tend to leave them, ignore them when they are sick. Avoid confrontation or even conversion when it most needed. We forget that A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Here is the advise that I need and will pass on to you as well. I read this in a book I am currently reading. It is called The Practice of the Presence of God. He says, "be governed by love without selfish views, make the love of God the end of all your action" Very tough one...

What a powerful words... my actions are a expressions of God's love and I got to make the best of it... It should be easy when it is toward our spouses or partners, but we fail many times. Yet, we got to try. Remember, Love is much greater power than standard and rules. Do what is not your duty.

Break Free Youth Conference

What a great time we spent last month in the youth conference. God blessed us with a great topic. Break Free was the title. We learned how to let go of our false self and realize our true self in God.
Easy step is to see where we come from and put it against the light of God's word.