Commitment

Via Focus on the family


"If you really love someone, you shouldn't have to work at it."

That's what High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens told CosmoGIRL! for its August 2008 issue. This young celebrity was speaking out loud what millions of people privately think: Loving feelings should come naturally in a relationship, so if you have to work at it, something's wrong. But the truth is exactly the opposite: If you truly love someone, you will work hard for the relationship.
Rock or Sand

Jesus spoke of a house that was built on sand and shaken by storms, while another house was built on rock and remained unmoved. One of my greatest surprises as a relationship analyst is just how many of us build our marriages on the sand of feelings instead of the rock of commitment. But I've been encouraged to see that truly committed couples are able, with God's help, to thrive even through the inevitable storms.

Over a five-year period, a close friend sent me e-mails sharing about her struggles with her marriage. She went from daily messages that read, "I can't take this anymore!" to e-mails saying, "He is such a gift to me." What accounted for the change? Her determination.

As she now says, "A successful marriage has little to do with circumstances and a lot to do with determination — taking the word divorce out of your vocabulary and replacing it with commitment."
What is Commitment?

Commitment is a decision to have the abundant marriage God desires, regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing his or her part. This includes:

* Realizing that marriage is an unbreakable covenant before God. At weddings, Atlanta minister Barry Grecu explains that ancient Hebrew culture understood a covenant not as a contract, which could be broken, but as a binding, permanent agreement — just like the covenant God makes with us.
* Choosing to "do it until you feel it." We often let our feelings guide our actions, but we are actually built for the opposite. Our Creator has designed us so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follow.
* Focusing on the good in our spouse and the sin in ourselves — instead of the other way around. If you're dissatisfied with your marriage, try this challenge: For the next 30 days, don't say anything negative about your spouse — neither to him or her nor to someone else. Every day, find something you appreciate about your spouse, and verbalize it. This marital application of Philippians 4:8 (which instructs us to focus on whatever is praiseworthy) has the power to transform a marriage. When we examine and work to change ourselves, we often bring out the best in our spouse as well.
* Engaging in Christian community, prayer and discipleship — especially when you don't want to. These three aspects of the Christian life help sustain every believer, but they are particularly essential for those going through a difficult season.
* Relying on God to help you act selflessly toward your spouse. As Grecu puts it, "We are incapable of living out our covenant promises in our own human strength. Jesus says, 'Apart from Me you can do nothing' and calls us to engage with the Spirit of God being lived out through us."

Is Commitment Possible?

The often-cited statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce — even among churchgoers — can make commitment seem fruitless. But that statistic is misleading. Dozens of studies distinguish between couples who claim a nominal faith and those who prioritize church attendance. Couples who have a strong commitment to faith and attend church regularly are far more likely to have lifelong relationships.

One recent study in particular shows that those who go to church and pray together have a much lower divorce rate. The University of Virginia's Brad Wilcox found that regular church attendance cuts the likelihood of divorce by 30 percent to 35 percent. Wilcox's work is supported by another study by Annette Mahoney of Bowling Green State University, which independently came to a similar conclusion.

While that rate is still unfortunately high, when you add prayer into the mix, thoughts of divorce plummet. A 1998 survey by the Georgia Family Council found that among couples who prayed together weekly, only 7 percent had seriously considered divorce, compared to 65 percent of those who never prayed together.

The abundant marriage that God has designed for us is not only possible but also likely, and the journey there starts with one word — commitment.
This article first appeared in the January, 2009 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2009 Shaunti Feldhahn. All rights reserved.

fireflies and songs by Sara Groves

I simply love this song:

Thirty years ago I was a little girl
Riding in the back seat of the car.
A woman sang 'You don't bring me flowers anymore.'
I felt the sadness in my little heart.

We're looking for the music
In the music box,
Tearing it to pieces,
Trying to find a song.

I was drawn to you in ways I can't explain.
I fought like crazy but I couldn't stay away.
Piled on expectations and lots of blame,
like we couldn't do it any other way.

We're looking for a firefly
Moving through the night,
Staring at that one place
Swear it never lights.

We're looking for the music
In the music box,
Tearing it to pieces,
Trying to find a song.

Were you surprised our hearts were not like ticking clocks?
The faces and hands easy to read.
We both wished 'if only in the land of Oz.'
And longed for things we'd never really need.

Now we're standing in the kitchen,
All pretense is gone.
You kiss me on the shoulder.
Fireflies and songs.

Strom learning moments

Working the storm the last few days tough me few things.

Let me first say meeting 21 men for The first time whom any one of them doubt or triple your size at first is a bit scary.

Leading those totally strange men right after we just met even put more pressure and challenging. These situations really put me to test. It challenges me to the leader I should be and act in confidence. Being in a totally different and strange environment for ( long island ) adds to the challenges. Dealing with all this tough me to slow down, take a minute to think before making any decisions. But it also let me exercise my leadership to stick with those decision even when those big guys some times object.

Aside from the tough character I had to dress in, meeting those customers who had no lights for almost a week made me wear another dress on. I had to show compassion yet, I had the challenge to balance my compassion with doing the right thing during that tough time when every one looking for my leadership to act on spot.

Another thing I learned is once I realize that I made a mistake I rush to fix it. There was no room for making mistakes with I am responsible for the safety of 21 men. But at any point I needed to change course, I had to quick to fix it.

After all, I thank God for his protection over me, He loves me so much that despite my ignorance He Mercy me.

Couples: The Power of Choice

Sinning against one another isn't the plan for couples. God's plan for us in marriage to be one as He wanted us to be one with Him.
Adam and Eve choose to sin against God and believe it or not we choose to sin against one another in marriage. The result is known, separation between God and man, a separation between couples.

The amazing thing is when Adam and Eve sinned against God, they went hiding, but God is his mercy called on him. He didn't burn him in anger flames nor he killed him. Instead God initiated a conversion with him, the result was ground rules for Adam and Eve to live by and a promise of redemption. Yet, Adam and Eve didn't run away from the consequence of their mistakes.

Again, in marriage, when we sin against one another, many times we choose to not talk to the one who had hurt us. we refuse to start the conversion. We ignore one another. On the other hand we should express mercy, offer ways to solve the problem.

We aren't going to be ONE again until we repent. I said repent, not express sorry. True repentance brings back to the relationship with God. In marriage, we expect pain and hurt TO go away quickly as we say sorry, and that could be true sometimes. However, true oneness does not come with words, repentance is a chance of direction, and change of behavior.

So, today, I remind you to choose not to sin, against your spouse, and if  you did, I would choose to repent, knowing that repentance wouldn't redeem me from consequences.
Today, I remind you that even when you are hurt, that you would choose to talk about your hurt and express mercy.
Today, choose to become true one with your spouse.

Couple: Informed Vs. Transformed

Okay, lets consider all of us informed. We all know that we are getting married to be one with our mate and to live happily ever after. We all know that we should love our spouse without any conditions. Sounds good just like the movies.

Yet, many of us are not transformed. Transformation is actually means, walking to talk.

Here is a few reasons stopping us from being transformed:

- Where there is Pride, there is no oneness. I would not say sorry.

- Simply fear. We are scared of being the nice person in the relationship, so my spouse will walk all over me.

- I am Right, He/She is Wrong, why should I?

- I am not happy... focusing on your expectation of marriage

- You just waiting for him or her to make the first move

Here are few steps toward transformation:

- Work on the relationship as you are the only one in it. Love as much as you would like to be loved.

- Make the first move always

- Remember you be happier when you mike him or her happier

- Always fight with goal to solve the problem, and don't fight to only win

- Truly love one another without any condition

- Thank God for having her, and thank God for having him, learn to appreciate one another

- Learn from your mistakes

- Be patient, transformation takes time and need consistency

So, take the first step today to transform yourself, because no one can transform you unless you want to.

Couples: Loving any way!

But in Luke 6:32-36, Jesus says we shouldn't love because. We should love anyway. If we love someone because that person is good to us, or gives back to us, or is kind to us, we're acting no better than anyone else. In essence, Jesus is saying you don't need the Holy Spirit to love a man who remembers every anniversary – not just the anniversary of your marriage, but the anniversary of your first date and your first kiss. Any woman could love a man like that. Or if you love a wife who lavishes you with sports gifts, who goes out of her way to make you comfortable when you get home from work and who wants sex anytime you do – well, you're doing what any man would do. There's no special credit in that!

But if you love a spouse who disappoints you, who can be a little self-absorbed – now you're loving anyway. In doing that, you're following the model of the heavenly Father, who loves the ungrateful and the wicked.
... Or Anyway

Will you love only because? Or are you willing to love anyway? Will you love a man or woman who doesn't appreciate your sacrifice? Will you love a husband or wife who takes you for granted? Will you love a spouse who isn't nearly as kind to you as you are to him or her?

Just about every faithless marriage is based on because love. Christians are called to anyway love. That's what makes us different. That's what gives glory to God. That's what helps us appreciate God's love for us, because God loves us anyway. He gives and gives and gives – and we take Him for granted. He is eager to meet with us, and we get too busy to notice Him. He is good to us, and we accuse Him mercilessly when something doesn't go just the way we planned it.

But God loves us anyway. To love anyway is to love like God – and to learn about God's love for us.

That's love, the way God intended it.

Couples: Are you allowed you to breath?

Are you out to get him? Or are you waiting for her to make a mistake? Do you have the plan already to count her mistakes or his?

Allow each other to make mistakes, and allow your self to forgive one another. Why would you allow your spouse to make mistakes? The reasons are simple, we don't learn the easy way... God allow us to make mistakes to allow us to trust him and learn. He also use our mistakes to express his love to us. If you don't let your spouse make mistakes, how would you express love to him or her during that time.

It is a blessing to forgive one another.. it is amazing demonstration of love when you forgive one another.

When someone make a mistake, it is like standing naked in front of you and your forgiveness is the cloth you give to him or her to cover up... that is Godly love..

In << 1 Corinthians 13:5 >> says "It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

That is something very challenging to me, Not easily angered, and no keeping record of wrong. Sounds very hard to me, I know. But we have a great example to follow.

< Proverbs 29:11 >> "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." When I read this, I really feel ashamed, and makes me want to pray even harder for God's wisdom.

So how many times should I forgive? Matthew 18:21-35Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,

"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

We all need to remember one important thing, when we get married we become one with our spouse. Many of use including myself forget this during our fights and count mistakes. But the thing that need to always to be remember is that our Oneness isn't something easy, and confessing and forgiving come hand in hand to keep that oneness hold.

Allow your spouse to make mistakes, and allow your self to bless him or her with the mercy of forgiveness. It is an amazing journey that starts by accepting (yet not approving) one another and love one another. Make your spouse feel accepted even when they are at they lowest point. Open those arms as they confess their mistakes to you. Love them the Godly love that forgives. Build the truth between the two of you.