Glasses Shads

Are you thankful for your spouse???

One on One with Sarah Markley Pt. 1

It is that time again where we introduce to you someone really spacial to us. Why I say special,you asking.. simply because she inspires us. First let me say that her story is so real and close to any couple out there. I really encourage you to go to her site and read and learn from her.  Sarah Markley

Can affair take place in Christian marriage. I guess it does, we know it does.
Better yet, go read their story.. what an amazing work of God. Their also a video their for the couple.
Now lets dive in the interview, but before that, I have to thank the couple so much for honoring us with such interview.

***How would you introduce yourselves to others and to yourselves?
Sarah lives in Southern California with her husband, two daughters, Hope (10) and Naomi (6) and their family cat, Rosie. She grew up as the daughter of a youth minister, went to Christian schools and got her degrees from Biola University in English and Education. She married Chad when she was just 21. 
It’s been over eight years since her marriage fell apart. In January of 2004 she confessed to a three year long extramarital affair. Chad and Sarah allowed God to completely renovated their lives, their hearts and their relationship.

After a year of counseling, healing and restoration, Sarah and her husband now lead a fully redeemed life with a brand new marriage. Grateful for her new life, her two bright little girls, a husband who loves her, and new stewardship in ministry, Sarah lives a restored life in Christ. She and her husband Chad have been married for 16 years.

Sarah jogs most mornings. She steps on tiny legos in the dark. She sometimes lets the dinner dishes sit in the sink overnight (Shhh). And one of her favorite things to do is make banana nut waffles for her girls and husband on Saturdays.

Sarah blogs daily about her children, her faith and the idea that every day is God’s best day for her at www.sarahmarkley.com

***Sarah, If you can summaries your lives in one word, what would it be and why? Grace.

***Why did you start blogging and how you find time for it?
I began blogging over five years ago as a writing discipline and a medium for personal creativity. I write my blog 5 times a week usually and I take the weekend off. I need that time to regroup and rest from it.

***Are you goal oriented or detail oriented?
Both, I think. I don’t’ think I can put myself in only one of those categories.

Now, lets dig a little more deeper and know Sarah on a personal level.
***Why did you start blogging and how you find time for it?
I began blogging over three years ago as a writing discipline and a medium for personal creativity. I write my blog 5 times a week usually and I take the weekend off. I need that time to regroup and rest from it.
 
***Are you goal oriented or detail oriented? Both, I think. I don’t’ think I can put myself in only one of those categories.

***What inspires you, and how you come up with ideas for your blog?
I regularly look for deeper meaning in simple things. Life is full of the spiritual and it’s all there if you look for it. I’ve tried to practice this and when God shows me something, I write about it. Inspiration comes from my kids, my family, my internal life, what I’m reading.
 
***Reading your Story Sarah, it makes me wonder!! Many say, you can't clap with one hand. Does marriage need both party to succeed? Or one person can make it?
I’ve known couples that have "made it" even when one person isn’t as helpful or honest. But the couples that truly are influential and are making a difference in their communities and families are of like mind with one another. They are loving Christ and each other and they are doing it together. The best and most healthy marriages are ones when both people do EVERYTHING it takes to make it work.

***The other man, was everything that your husband wasn't,,, good, yet very bad to look at it this way.. explain?
I just meant that in personality and in everything else he was very different from my husband. And the fact that my husband and I were in such a bad place in our marriage that the differences in that other man was attractive to me at the time.

***On the other hand, how your husband found the grace to forgive you? I think that’s a question for him. To hear his answer. Check the video we did together. I think he speaks to that.

Did you have enough of the intview, I doubt that very much.. come back to the second part. Mean while enjoy dicouving those couple and their marrige. here is the link to their Marriage Story

Commitment

Via Focus on the family


"If you really love someone, you shouldn't have to work at it."

That's what High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens told CosmoGIRL! for its August 2008 issue. This young celebrity was speaking out loud what millions of people privately think: Loving feelings should come naturally in a relationship, so if you have to work at it, something's wrong. But the truth is exactly the opposite: If you truly love someone, you will work hard for the relationship.
Rock or Sand

Jesus spoke of a house that was built on sand and shaken by storms, while another house was built on rock and remained unmoved. One of my greatest surprises as a relationship analyst is just how many of us build our marriages on the sand of feelings instead of the rock of commitment. But I've been encouraged to see that truly committed couples are able, with God's help, to thrive even through the inevitable storms.

Over a five-year period, a close friend sent me e-mails sharing about her struggles with her marriage. She went from daily messages that read, "I can't take this anymore!" to e-mails saying, "He is such a gift to me." What accounted for the change? Her determination.

As she now says, "A successful marriage has little to do with circumstances and a lot to do with determination — taking the word divorce out of your vocabulary and replacing it with commitment."
What is Commitment?

Commitment is a decision to have the abundant marriage God desires, regardless of circumstances or whether you think your spouse is doing his or her part. This includes:

* Realizing that marriage is an unbreakable covenant before God. At weddings, Atlanta minister Barry Grecu explains that ancient Hebrew culture understood a covenant not as a contract, which could be broken, but as a binding, permanent agreement — just like the covenant God makes with us.
* Choosing to "do it until you feel it." We often let our feelings guide our actions, but we are actually built for the opposite. Our Creator has designed us so that when we love another person with our actions, our feelings inevitably follow.
* Focusing on the good in our spouse and the sin in ourselves — instead of the other way around. If you're dissatisfied with your marriage, try this challenge: For the next 30 days, don't say anything negative about your spouse — neither to him or her nor to someone else. Every day, find something you appreciate about your spouse, and verbalize it. This marital application of Philippians 4:8 (which instructs us to focus on whatever is praiseworthy) has the power to transform a marriage. When we examine and work to change ourselves, we often bring out the best in our spouse as well.
* Engaging in Christian community, prayer and discipleship — especially when you don't want to. These three aspects of the Christian life help sustain every believer, but they are particularly essential for those going through a difficult season.
* Relying on God to help you act selflessly toward your spouse. As Grecu puts it, "We are incapable of living out our covenant promises in our own human strength. Jesus says, 'Apart from Me you can do nothing' and calls us to engage with the Spirit of God being lived out through us."

Is Commitment Possible?

The often-cited statistic that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce — even among churchgoers — can make commitment seem fruitless. But that statistic is misleading. Dozens of studies distinguish between couples who claim a nominal faith and those who prioritize church attendance. Couples who have a strong commitment to faith and attend church regularly are far more likely to have lifelong relationships.

One recent study in particular shows that those who go to church and pray together have a much lower divorce rate. The University of Virginia's Brad Wilcox found that regular church attendance cuts the likelihood of divorce by 30 percent to 35 percent. Wilcox's work is supported by another study by Annette Mahoney of Bowling Green State University, which independently came to a similar conclusion.

While that rate is still unfortunately high, when you add prayer into the mix, thoughts of divorce plummet. A 1998 survey by the Georgia Family Council found that among couples who prayed together weekly, only 7 percent had seriously considered divorce, compared to 65 percent of those who never prayed together.

The abundant marriage that God has designed for us is not only possible but also likely, and the journey there starts with one word — commitment.
This article first appeared in the January, 2009 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2009 Shaunti Feldhahn. All rights reserved.

fireflies and songs by Sara Groves

I simply love this song:

Thirty years ago I was a little girl
Riding in the back seat of the car.
A woman sang 'You don't bring me flowers anymore.'
I felt the sadness in my little heart.

We're looking for the music
In the music box,
Tearing it to pieces,
Trying to find a song.

I was drawn to you in ways I can't explain.
I fought like crazy but I couldn't stay away.
Piled on expectations and lots of blame,
like we couldn't do it any other way.

We're looking for a firefly
Moving through the night,
Staring at that one place
Swear it never lights.

We're looking for the music
In the music box,
Tearing it to pieces,
Trying to find a song.

Were you surprised our hearts were not like ticking clocks?
The faces and hands easy to read.
We both wished 'if only in the land of Oz.'
And longed for things we'd never really need.

Now we're standing in the kitchen,
All pretense is gone.
You kiss me on the shoulder.
Fireflies and songs.

Strom learning moments

Working the storm the last few days tough me few things.

Let me first say meeting 21 men for The first time whom any one of them doubt or triple your size at first is a bit scary.

Leading those totally strange men right after we just met even put more pressure and challenging. These situations really put me to test. It challenges me to the leader I should be and act in confidence. Being in a totally different and strange environment for ( long island ) adds to the challenges. Dealing with all this tough me to slow down, take a minute to think before making any decisions. But it also let me exercise my leadership to stick with those decision even when those big guys some times object.

Aside from the tough character I had to dress in, meeting those customers who had no lights for almost a week made me wear another dress on. I had to show compassion yet, I had the challenge to balance my compassion with doing the right thing during that tough time when every one looking for my leadership to act on spot.

Another thing I learned is once I realize that I made a mistake I rush to fix it. There was no room for making mistakes with I am responsible for the safety of 21 men. But at any point I needed to change course, I had to quick to fix it.

After all, I thank God for his protection over me, He loves me so much that despite my ignorance He Mercy me.

Couples: The Power of Choice

Sinning against one another isn't the plan for couples. God's plan for us in marriage to be one as He wanted us to be one with Him.
Adam and Eve choose to sin against God and believe it or not we choose to sin against one another in marriage. The result is known, separation between God and man, a separation between couples.

The amazing thing is when Adam and Eve sinned against God, they went hiding, but God is his mercy called on him. He didn't burn him in anger flames nor he killed him. Instead God initiated a conversion with him, the result was ground rules for Adam and Eve to live by and a promise of redemption. Yet, Adam and Eve didn't run away from the consequence of their mistakes.

Again, in marriage, when we sin against one another, many times we choose to not talk to the one who had hurt us. we refuse to start the conversion. We ignore one another. On the other hand we should express mercy, offer ways to solve the problem.

We aren't going to be ONE again until we repent. I said repent, not express sorry. True repentance brings back to the relationship with God. In marriage, we expect pain and hurt TO go away quickly as we say sorry, and that could be true sometimes. However, true oneness does not come with words, repentance is a chance of direction, and change of behavior.

So, today, I remind you to choose not to sin, against your spouse, and if  you did, I would choose to repent, knowing that repentance wouldn't redeem me from consequences.
Today, I remind you that even when you are hurt, that you would choose to talk about your hurt and express mercy.
Today, choose to become true one with your spouse.

Couple: Informed Vs. Transformed

Okay, lets consider all of us informed. We all know that we are getting married to be one with our mate and to live happily ever after. We all know that we should love our spouse without any conditions. Sounds good just like the movies.

Yet, many of us are not transformed. Transformation is actually means, walking to talk.

Here is a few reasons stopping us from being transformed:

- Where there is Pride, there is no oneness. I would not say sorry.

- Simply fear. We are scared of being the nice person in the relationship, so my spouse will walk all over me.

- I am Right, He/She is Wrong, why should I?

- I am not happy... focusing on your expectation of marriage

- You just waiting for him or her to make the first move

Here are few steps toward transformation:

- Work on the relationship as you are the only one in it. Love as much as you would like to be loved.

- Make the first move always

- Remember you be happier when you mike him or her happier

- Always fight with goal to solve the problem, and don't fight to only win

- Truly love one another without any condition

- Thank God for having her, and thank God for having him, learn to appreciate one another

- Learn from your mistakes

- Be patient, transformation takes time and need consistency

So, take the first step today to transform yourself, because no one can transform you unless you want to.