1 on 1 with Brooke Pt. 6

In this post, we asked Brooke about her advise in marriage and relationships. One thing I leaned so far to find the good in other couples and try to apply it in our marriage. Lets learn more from Her.

Is there any advice you would like to give to newly married couples?
Throw away the key. That’s a piece of advice we were given early in our marriage. We literally stood on a beach in North Carolina and threw a “key” into the ocean symbolizing that there is no way our marriage can be unlocked. There is no longer a key that can separate what God brought together. It’s a mental and spiritually symbolic commitment we made beyond the vows we took at our wedding.

I always say that a marriage with difficulties is a living marriage. What are your thoughts?
I whole-heartedly agree. Marriage is the joining together of two different, sinful, selfish people. There WILL be conflict. Any marriage that doesn’t show signs of conflict is, in my opinion, already dead…or at least very sick. The good news is that couples can be taught to always consider the other better than themselves and the art of healthy conflict.

How do you deal with conflict? How you can make the best out of it?
My natural, sinful, tendency is to attack. I’m a very passionate person and I usually think I’m right. Did you know that just because you have a scripture or two to back up your position you can still be wrong? Shocking, I know. It has to do with the state of the heart. Matthew 12:34 says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” I think the first step to handling conflict well is to check your own heart. If I respond to my husband in anger, anger resides in my heart. His actions do not CAUSE me to behave in a certain way. They only bring out what already lived in my heart. This should cause me to stop and look at the state of my heart and ask the Lord to clean it up!

You make it sound so easy when you talk about submission in your real life article on the subject. Doesn't it get hard sometimes? How do you do it? Why do many women resist the idea?

I’ve learned that submission to my husband has practically nothing to do with trusting him and everything to do with trusting God. My ability to submit to my husband is a direct reflection of my heart’s response to trusting God to work through him. Even if he messes up along the way, God can still work out His plans for our marriage. And yes, accomplishing this is sometimes hard.
Women resist the idea of submission for many reasons, most notably because we’re living in a time where almost no one aspires to it as something of worth. Even our churches don’t teach it well because they’re under so much pressure to conform to the world. True submission is nothing short of a beautiful gift of the Lord. Women today don’t want to submit to anything. Again, this is a reflection of how far our hearts are from the truth.

How do you turn a relationship from just a marriage to a real friendship?
Sometimes it’s hard to laugh together. Marriage can easily become a game of one-upmanship. (“I can’t believe you want me to do that. I worked eight hours today and you got to stay home!) And when there’s a constant battle to get what you think you deserve being friends becomes less of a priority.

But the bottom line is that to get to know anyone, spouse or not, you have to spend time with them. My husband and I struggle in this area. His shift-work and lack of babysitters makes it very difficult for us to schedule nights out on a regular basis. In fact, it occurred to me a few years ago that it would be very easy for us to be totally isolated as a family. We have to work hard for everything. But that’s ok. Because the best kind of love is that which is worth working for.

One thing I’ve been very thankful for in my marriage is that my husband and I had already established a deep and lasting friendship before we got married. We waited to have sex (though there were PLENTY of temptations…he’s a hotty ya’ll) until our wedding night (funny story…I’ll tell you about it sometime). The world wants us to believe that a good, strong relationship is built on sexual compatibility or romantic love and it’s just NOT. When that newborn baby is draining every ounce of strength you have and the thought of sex is the farthest thing from your mind, you’ll be glad you married your best friend. In other words, life is full of ups and downs. Sexual passion and desire comes and goes (I know it’s hard to believe…but it does), but friendship provides a strong undergirding for a marriage. Sometimes my husband and I disagree (shock! gasp!) quite passionately about things like raising the children, spending money, scheduling events, etc. But I know that I’m arguing with my best friend and that I’m safe with him. His friendship gives me a safe place to land.

Brooke blogs daily at A Life in Need of Change. Get to know her better by subscribing to her blog and walking with her through the everyday.

You can also find her tweeting almost daily as @BrookeLMcG

Brooke, Thank you very much once again for being a guest on our blog. We learned a lot how to be humble with in our walk in marriage, we learned how to pray and put others in front of the Lord. We are so looking forward to the next time we have you over. God bless all you heart work, because it is done from the heart.

1 on 1 with Brooke Pt. 5

The importance of prayer in marriage, we wanted to learn from Brooke, how prayers work in her life and her family.

Once said "The great dividing line between success and failure can be expressed in five words: I did not have time." How do you deal with time management? And how do you see this relating to marriage?
I absolutely reject the modern concept that says, “quality over quantity.” Basically, the world would have us to believe that it doesn’t matter how much time we spend with our families as long as the time we do have with them is good. I just don’t buy it. Why have a family if you never spend time with them? The people who have made the greatest impact on my life are those who have given me the gift of their time. I’ve often said of my relationships “I don’t want gifts, I want YOU.”

About a year ago my husband and I made a choice that required some sacrifice. Although I had been working part-time since the birth of our first child, we found that the amount of hours I was away from our home were still just too many. Our children were spending more time with people other than us and their hearts were being shaped by people who, while good, didn’t share the same child-rearing goals we did. So now I’m out of my home just two full days a week and work from home another few hours. It has been a step in the right direction. We now feel that we will be able to look back on these years and know that we fully experienced our children’s formative years…difficult as they may be. All human relationships require investments of time to succeed.

Decreasing my time outside of my home has given me much-needed flexibility so that I can be more attentive to my husband’s needs. I can be off when he’s off much of the time and when we can’t eat dinner together because of his work schedule, often we can eat another meal. Letting go of some of the “crazy” in this way has only benefitted out marriage.

How much do you pray with your husband? How much do you pray for him? Is it all the time? My husband spent 32 weeks in preparation for his current job while we were dating…away from home during the week. It was one of the most stressful seasons of his life. During that time we began a daily habit that has lasted through the almost eight years of our marriage. Prayer. Each day he would call me before his stressful day began and I would ask for God’s provision in his life. That was close to ten years ago now and it’s still something we do almost every day. Heads bowed we seek the Lord’s protection and covering over each other. I truly treasure this habit!

How do you see the role of prayer in your life and your husband’s life? Really how often do you pray for him?
I pray for my husband at least two times a day, but usually much more than just two. Guaranteed are the prayers before work and at night (I lay my hand on his side while he’s sleeping).

Prayer in marriage is so much more important than language. I’m learning to take my heart to the Lord. My fears, faults, anger, sadness, disappointment, happiness and joy are best carried by the Lord. He is, afterall, the One who turns hearts of stone to hearts of flesh (Ez 36:26), not I.

It is so exciting to see and read Brooke takes about prayer in such passion, It is so encourging yet put us to shame for not doing the same.
Want to read more about prayer, go read her blog. A life in need of change.
You can also find her tweeting almost daily as @BrookeLMcG

Friday will be ou last post from our interview with Brooke, so don't forget to stop by and read more about her.

1 on 1 with Brooke Pt 4

Good morning all, it is amazing how much you know about someone when you ask the right questions. just by asking a few questions, we dig deeper and deeper. Brooke is an amazing woman we can't get enough of her. So, come and join our conversion.
How do you manage to have time to do every thing in the house, yet to minister to other women and manage to have a happy marriage?
Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure I do a really good job at any of it! The Lord blessed me with a man who is a hard worker. He does as much, if not more than I do around the house at times and isn’t above doing anything. My home is not always spic and span. And while I would like for it to be perfect…something out of Southern Living to be exact…I know that for my family, right now, it’s just not going to happen. Letting my expectations slip a little in this area helps me stress less. I think there have only been a few times when I would’ve been embarrassed for someone to stop by unannounced. I spend brief, but concentrated and scheduled amounts of time on my home each week. And because my husband works shift-work, he spends time cleaning and doing laundry when he’s home. I’ve learned the hard way only to say “yes” to those things I believe the Lord has called me to and I try hard to think about how everything I do affects my husband.

I do want to be clear though, that while I love ministering to women, both in my job and through my writing, my family comes first. Writing, in particular, feeds my soul, but my priority is my family. How can I encourage other women to love their children and husbands well if I’m not doing it myself?

What are your thoughts on marriage? And how would you describe yours?
Right before I got married I went through a scary, but important season where I feared getting married would set me up to invite someone to hurt me for the rest of my life. I knew my husband wasn’t perfect and I knew that he would sin against me. I also knew that marriage would bring me closer to God, but I wondered, briefly, if the pain I might experience from letting someone get that close, was really worth it.

Marriage is hard. And it’s nothing like I thought it would be and everything I thought it would be all at the same time.

Marriage is also work. I remember a time when I mistakenly believed that real love shouldn’t require a lot of work.

I’m wife to the man I’ve had a crush on since the 3rd grade...really...I’ve been in some form of love with this man since I was a wee one...but the Lord didn't officially bring us together until I was 20 years old when our families connived behind our backs and set us up to fall in love. And fall we did! I spent almost four years dating a man who's seal was firmly upon my heart! We had a fairy tale courtship...made for each other...can't get enough of each other...soul connection kind of love. And I hang on to my memories of that love every day.

Because I’ve learned that love is NEVER enough. Marriage requires a total commitment from both parties, especially when things get hard.

My marriage is far from perfect. With a husband that works shift-work, two very young, very high energy little boys, a part-time job and plenty of stress, it’s often hard to focus on our marriage and give it the time we want to. We’re learning to be intentional with our time and to each put the other person first.

Also, kindness goes a long way in marriage. Proverbs 15:1 says, “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This is never more true than in marriage.

Once said "The great dividing line between success and failure can be expressed in five words: I did not have time." How do you deal with time management? And how do you see this relating to marriage?

I absolutely reject the modern concept that says, “quality over quantity.” Basically, the world would have us to believe that it doesn’t matter how much time we spend with our families as long as the time we do have with them is good. I just don’t buy it. Why have a family if you never spend time with them? The people who have made the greatest impact on my life are those who have given me the gift of their time. I’ve often said of my relationships “I don’t want gifts, I want YOU.”

About a year ago my husband and I made a choice that required some sacrifice. Although I had been working part-time since the birth of our first child, we found that the amount of hours I was away from our home were still just too many. Our children were spending more time with people other than us and their hearts were being shaped by people who, while good, didn’t share the same child-rearing goals we did. So now I’m out of my home just two full days a week and work from home another few hours. It has been a step in the right direction. We now feel that we will be able to look back on these years and know that we fully experienced our children’s formative years…difficult as they may be. All human relationships require investments of time to succeed.

Decreasing my time outside of my home has given me much-needed flexibility so that I can be more attentive to my husband’s needs. I can be off when he’s off much of the time and when we can’t eat dinner together because of his work schedule, often we can eat another meal. Letting go of some of the “crazy” in this way has only benefitted out marriage.

Like I said, we can't get enough of her, So come Wednesday morning for another post with Brook.

1 on 1 with Brooke, Pt 3

Tell us about your Elijah Prayer Project? How did it start and what is its purpose?

I’ve always loved to pray scripture. It’s not that I can’t find my own words to pray…but honestly…why spend any effort trying to come up with my own words when everything I need is right there in the Word? I’ve been a serious Word-prayer for a few years now.

I love to encourage friends and family with the promises of God’s Word for their lives…you can often find sticky notes placed all around my house with scriptures I’m praying for my family…A few months ago I began praying Malachi 4:5-6 for my husband.
“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers…”

Every day it seems I hear a story about another failure…another child whose life hung in the balance when a father turned away. I’ve been reading statistics about fatherless families and the irreplaceable impact of the father on sons and daughters. Ironically, it research shows that while moms are important, dads are even more so.I watch my husband, devoted as he is to us, try to shoulder that great responsibility…and I see him sometimes weighted down by the heaviness of it and I know he needs me. But not in the way you might think…I believe the best thing I can do for my husband is to pray for him. In fact, I want to suggest that we start praying for the fathers in our lives now more than ever.

The Elijah Prayer Project is my attempt to bring mothers together to pray for the fathers of their children. Whether they are single moms, happily or unhappily married, divorced or separated doesn’t really matter. Their children need fathers whose hearts are turned toward God and toward them.

Elijah Prayer Project happens each Thursday on my blog and is a place for moms to ask for prayer, share what they’re praying for dads and encourage one another to press on. It is NOT a place to come bash men or share info from the “more than I needed to know” file. Each week I list instructions and rules so that the purpose of the project is clear

In your years of marriage, what have you learned about the wife’s role in the man’s life and how she can influence her husband?

Early in my marriage, after an intense fight with my husband, the Lord led me to 1 Peter 3: 1-6. I had read these verses explaining the wife’s responsibility to be subject to their own husbands many times before. But that day, as I was crying out to the Lord for insight, He showed me something different. I noticed that God, through Peter, placed great emphasis on Sarah, raising her up as an example to women everywhere. It had been a long time since I read the entire story of Abraham and Sarah, so there, in my bedroom, fresh out of a fight with the love of my life, I plowed through five or six chapters of Genesis and what God showed me changed my life. You can read all of my thoughts on submission on my blog. I’ve actually re-organized them into a Bible study I call “Imperishable Beauty,” and I hope to have it published someday.

In another words: How do you see the role a woman can play in her marriage and in her husband’s life? Why do many underestimate the wife’s role in marriage and in the husband’s life?
As Christians, we are Christ’s ambassadors on the earth. That means we represent Him to the people in our lives, most importantly, our husbands and children. To wives (including myself) I ask these questions: Based on your heart and your behaviors, who does your husband think Christ is? What are you showing your husband about Christ’s heart toward him? Are you showing him that Christ is compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love? Or are you showing him a false Christ who loves only when loved in return, isn’t a safe place to fall and cares nothing for the issues of his life? The answer to this question matters! Today’s woman underestimates her influence over her husband because we’re so obsessed with what we think we deserve in our marriage. Christ asks us to lay down our expectations, what we think we have a right to and what we think we deserve in order to follow Him…and nothing else. We’re being duped into believing in something that only exists in fairy tales.

It was another great post from our interview with Brooke, and there is more to come. Check out the next post first thing Monday morning. But now, you can read more of her writing on her blog a life in need of change.