In this post, we asked Brooke about her advise in marriage and relationships. One thing I leaned so far to find the good in other couples and try to apply it in our marriage. Lets learn more from Her.
Is there any advice you would like to give to newly married couples?
Throw away the key. That’s a piece of advice we were given early in our marriage. We literally stood on a beach in North Carolina and threw a “key” into the ocean symbolizing that there is no way our marriage can be unlocked. There is no longer a key that can separate what God brought together. It’s a mental and spiritually symbolic commitment we made beyond the vows we took at our wedding.
I always say that a marriage with difficulties is a living marriage. What are your thoughts?
I whole-heartedly agree. Marriage is the joining together of two different, sinful, selfish people. There WILL be conflict. Any marriage that doesn’t show signs of conflict is, in my opinion, already dead…or at least very sick. The good news is that couples can be taught to always consider the other better than themselves and the art of healthy conflict.
How do you deal with conflict? How you can make the best out of it?
My natural, sinful, tendency is to attack. I’m a very passionate person and I usually think I’m right. Did you know that just because you have a scripture or two to back up your position you can still be wrong? Shocking, I know. It has to do with the state of the heart. Matthew 12:34 says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” I think the first step to handling conflict well is to check your own heart. If I respond to my husband in anger, anger resides in my heart. His actions do not CAUSE me to behave in a certain way. They only bring out what already lived in my heart. This should cause me to stop and look at the state of my heart and ask the Lord to clean it up!
You make it sound so easy when you talk about submission in your real life article on the subject. Doesn't it get hard sometimes? How do you do it? Why do many women resist the idea?
I’ve learned that submission to my husband has practically nothing to do with trusting him and everything to do with trusting God. My ability to submit to my husband is a direct reflection of my heart’s response to trusting God to work through him. Even if he messes up along the way, God can still work out His plans for our marriage. And yes, accomplishing this is sometimes hard.
Women resist the idea of submission for many reasons, most notably because we’re living in a time where almost no one aspires to it as something of worth. Even our churches don’t teach it well because they’re under so much pressure to conform to the world. True submission is nothing short of a beautiful gift of the Lord. Women today don’t want to submit to anything. Again, this is a reflection of how far our hearts are from the truth.
How do you turn a relationship from just a marriage to a real friendship?
Sometimes it’s hard to laugh together. Marriage can easily become a game of one-upmanship. (“I can’t believe you want me to do that. I worked eight hours today and you got to stay home!) And when there’s a constant battle to get what you think you deserve being friends becomes less of a priority.
But the bottom line is that to get to know anyone, spouse or not, you have to spend time with them. My husband and I struggle in this area. His shift-work and lack of babysitters makes it very difficult for us to schedule nights out on a regular basis. In fact, it occurred to me a few years ago that it would be very easy for us to be totally isolated as a family. We have to work hard for everything. But that’s ok. Because the best kind of love is that which is worth working for.
One thing I’ve been very thankful for in my marriage is that my husband and I had already established a deep and lasting friendship before we got married. We waited to have sex (though there were PLENTY of temptations…he’s a hotty ya’ll) until our wedding night (funny story…I’ll tell you about it sometime). The world wants us to believe that a good, strong relationship is built on sexual compatibility or romantic love and it’s just NOT. When that newborn baby is draining every ounce of strength you have and the thought of sex is the farthest thing from your mind, you’ll be glad you married your best friend. In other words, life is full of ups and downs. Sexual passion and desire comes and goes (I know it’s hard to believe…but it does), but friendship provides a strong undergirding for a marriage. Sometimes my husband and I disagree (shock! gasp!) quite passionately about things like raising the children, spending money, scheduling events, etc. But I know that I’m arguing with my best friend and that I’m safe with him. His friendship gives me a safe place to land.
Brooke blogs daily at A Life in Need of Change. Get to know her better by subscribing to her blog and walking with her through the everyday.
You can also find her tweeting almost daily as @BrookeLMcG
Throw away the key. That’s a piece of advice we were given early in our marriage. We literally stood on a beach in North Carolina and threw a “key” into the ocean symbolizing that there is no way our marriage can be unlocked. There is no longer a key that can separate what God brought together. It’s a mental and spiritually symbolic commitment we made beyond the vows we took at our wedding.
I always say that a marriage with difficulties is a living marriage. What are your thoughts?
I whole-heartedly agree. Marriage is the joining together of two different, sinful, selfish people. There WILL be conflict. Any marriage that doesn’t show signs of conflict is, in my opinion, already dead…or at least very sick. The good news is that couples can be taught to always consider the other better than themselves and the art of healthy conflict.
How do you deal with conflict? How you can make the best out of it?
My natural, sinful, tendency is to attack. I’m a very passionate person and I usually think I’m right. Did you know that just because you have a scripture or two to back up your position you can still be wrong? Shocking, I know. It has to do with the state of the heart. Matthew 12:34 says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” I think the first step to handling conflict well is to check your own heart. If I respond to my husband in anger, anger resides in my heart. His actions do not CAUSE me to behave in a certain way. They only bring out what already lived in my heart. This should cause me to stop and look at the state of my heart and ask the Lord to clean it up!
You make it sound so easy when you talk about submission in your real life article on the subject. Doesn't it get hard sometimes? How do you do it? Why do many women resist the idea?
I’ve learned that submission to my husband has practically nothing to do with trusting him and everything to do with trusting God. My ability to submit to my husband is a direct reflection of my heart’s response to trusting God to work through him. Even if he messes up along the way, God can still work out His plans for our marriage. And yes, accomplishing this is sometimes hard.
Women resist the idea of submission for many reasons, most notably because we’re living in a time where almost no one aspires to it as something of worth. Even our churches don’t teach it well because they’re under so much pressure to conform to the world. True submission is nothing short of a beautiful gift of the Lord. Women today don’t want to submit to anything. Again, this is a reflection of how far our hearts are from the truth.
How do you turn a relationship from just a marriage to a real friendship?
Sometimes it’s hard to laugh together. Marriage can easily become a game of one-upmanship. (“I can’t believe you want me to do that. I worked eight hours today and you got to stay home!) And when there’s a constant battle to get what you think you deserve being friends becomes less of a priority.
But the bottom line is that to get to know anyone, spouse or not, you have to spend time with them. My husband and I struggle in this area. His shift-work and lack of babysitters makes it very difficult for us to schedule nights out on a regular basis. In fact, it occurred to me a few years ago that it would be very easy for us to be totally isolated as a family. We have to work hard for everything. But that’s ok. Because the best kind of love is that which is worth working for.
One thing I’ve been very thankful for in my marriage is that my husband and I had already established a deep and lasting friendship before we got married. We waited to have sex (though there were PLENTY of temptations…he’s a hotty ya’ll) until our wedding night (funny story…I’ll tell you about it sometime). The world wants us to believe that a good, strong relationship is built on sexual compatibility or romantic love and it’s just NOT. When that newborn baby is draining every ounce of strength you have and the thought of sex is the farthest thing from your mind, you’ll be glad you married your best friend. In other words, life is full of ups and downs. Sexual passion and desire comes and goes (I know it’s hard to believe…but it does), but friendship provides a strong undergirding for a marriage. Sometimes my husband and I disagree (shock! gasp!) quite passionately about things like raising the children, spending money, scheduling events, etc. But I know that I’m arguing with my best friend and that I’m safe with him. His friendship gives me a safe place to land.
Brooke blogs daily at A Life in Need of Change. Get to know her better by subscribing to her blog and walking with her through the everyday.
You can also find her tweeting almost daily as @BrookeLMcG
Brooke, Thank you very much once again for being a guest on our blog. We learned a lot how to be humble with in our walk in marriage, we learned how to pray and put others in front of the Lord. We are so looking forward to the next time we have you over. God bless all you heart work, because it is done from the heart.
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