How do you manage to have time to do every thing in the house, yet to minister to other women and manage to have a happy marriage?
Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure I do a really good job at any of it! The Lord blessed me with a man who is a hard worker. He does as much, if not more than I do around the house at times and isn’t above doing anything. My home is not always spic and span. And while I would like for it to be perfect…something out of Southern Living to be exact…I know that for my family, right now, it’s just not going to happen. Letting my expectations slip a little in this area helps me stress less. I think there have only been a few times when I would’ve been embarrassed for someone to stop by unannounced. I spend brief, but concentrated and scheduled amounts of time on my home each week. And because my husband works shift-work, he spends time cleaning and doing laundry when he’s home. I’ve learned the hard way only to say “yes” to those things I believe the Lord has called me to and I try hard to think about how everything I do affects my husband.
I do want to be clear though, that while I love ministering to women, both in my job and through my writing, my family comes first. Writing, in particular, feeds my soul, but my priority is my family. How can I encourage other women to love their children and husbands well if I’m not doing it myself?
What are your thoughts on marriage? And how would you describe yours?
Right before I got married I went through a scary, but important season where I feared getting married would set me up to invite someone to hurt me for the rest of my life. I knew my husband wasn’t perfect and I knew that he would sin against me. I also knew that marriage would bring me closer to God, but I wondered, briefly, if the pain I might experience from letting someone get that close, was really worth it.
Marriage is hard. And it’s nothing like I thought it would be and everything I thought it would be all at the same time.
Marriage is also work. I remember a time when I mistakenly believed that real love shouldn’t require a lot of work.
I’m wife to the man I’ve had a crush on since the 3rd grade...really...I’ve been in some form of love with this man since I was a wee one...but the Lord didn't officially bring us together until I was 20 years old when our families connived behind our backs and set us up to fall in love. And fall we did! I spent almost four years dating a man who's seal was firmly upon my heart! We had a fairy tale courtship...made for each other...can't get enough of each other...soul connection kind of love. And I hang on to my memories of that love every day.
Because I’ve learned that love is NEVER enough. Marriage requires a total commitment from both parties, especially when things get hard.
My marriage is far from perfect. With a husband that works shift-work, two very young, very high energy little boys, a part-time job and plenty of stress, it’s often hard to focus on our marriage and give it the time we want to. We’re learning to be intentional with our time and to each put the other person first.
Also, kindness goes a long way in marriage. Proverbs 15:1 says, “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This is never more true than in marriage.
Once said "The great dividing line between success and failure can be expressed in five words: I did not have time." How do you deal with time management? And how do you see this relating to marriage?
I absolutely reject the modern concept that says, “quality over quantity.” Basically, the world would have us to believe that it doesn’t matter how much time we spend with our families as long as the time we do have with them is good. I just don’t buy it. Why have a family if you never spend time with them? The people who have made the greatest impact on my life are those who have given me the gift of their time. I’ve often said of my relationships “I don’t want gifts, I want YOU.”
About a year ago my husband and I made a choice that required some sacrifice. Although I had been working part-time since the birth of our first child, we found that the amount of hours I was away from our home were still just too many. Our children were spending more time with people other than us and their hearts were being shaped by people who, while good, didn’t share the same child-rearing goals we did. So now I’m out of my home just two full days a week and work from home another few hours. It has been a step in the right direction. We now feel that we will be able to look back on these years and know that we fully experienced our children’s formative years…difficult as they may be. All human relationships require investments of time to succeed.
Decreasing my time outside of my home has given me much-needed flexibility so that I can be more attentive to my husband’s needs. I can be off when he’s off much of the time and when we can’t eat dinner together because of his work schedule, often we can eat another meal. Letting go of some of the “crazy” in this way has only benefitted out marriage.
Like I said, we can't get enough of her, So come Wednesday morning for another post with Brook.
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